Not Just Another Pretty Foot

    Why do so many people react to bare feet in public like they have just witnessed a Burmese Python swallow an entire box of puppies and kittens?! Why are they so repulsed by the sight of bare feet attached to the long end of bare legs? Nobody I know gets upset about bare legs, bare arms, bare shoulders, bare hands, and these days pretty much any bare body part, in public -- just don't let those funny appendages attached to our shins and calves run naked!

    Would those horrified reactions change to acceptance if our feet looked differently than they do? Our feet look somewhat similar to our hands, they are just located at the southern end of our bodies, which is a good thing as it makes it much more difficult for us to pick our noses with our toes'es -- fingers are much faster at a sinus showdown anyway. So which is more disgusting again, toes or fingers?

     Dr. Suess wrote in The Foot Book: "Front feet. Back Feet. Red feet. Black feet. Left foot. Right foot. Feet, feet, feet. How many, many feet you meet." However, in today's snooty society, we don't get to meet too many feet anymore because we are trained that we must hide them from views with shoes. But what if our feet looked like feet drawn on the many characters created by author and illustrator, Dr. Suess? Fuzzy, furry and fun! He may not have been a Dr. of podiatry, but he sure knew how to help people feel more comfortable about their feet.

Feet by Dr. Suess

     Stop them dogs of yours from barking, take off those shoes! Would it be more socially acceptable for humans to be barefoot in public if our feet looked like Fido's?  

      Maybe somewhere over the rainbow bare footing in public would be acceptable if our feet looked like this:

  Or, what if our feet looked like the feet in a child's drawing of a typical stick figure person? Round, ball-like feet were always depicted in my masterpieces. Would bare feet be less offensive shaped like that? The balls of our feet would take on a whole new meaning. Would we even still have balls of our feet, or heels for that matter, if we have balls for feet? So for those of us who prefer going barefoot, if we bared our balls, let them roll out there freely while we are out and about in public -- oh grow up, I am talking about our round feet -- would that be more acceptable? Another plus having round feet, when we are asked why we don't wear shoes we can say, "that's just how we roll!"       

Here's another thought, what if the Earth's polar axis suddenly switched places, as has happened numerous times throughout Earth's long history, but this time as a consequence of this event our feet anatomically switched places with our hands. Now that our feet are where our hands used to be, and our hands where our feet used to be, would we be free to wander about in public in our bare feet because they are now situated at the ends of our wrists instead of being banished to the ends of our ankles. You know what realtors always say about location, location, location! Our hands would now take the brunt of scrutiny down below. If we didn't put gloves on our hands before hitting the streets to take a walk, would we hands-down get those python-swallowing-puppies-and-kittens- looks for being out in public barehanded. It may not really matter what our feet look like: how they are shaped, what color they are, or how cartoonish they look. When baring our feet in public it might all just come down to location, location, location!

     

Streakers are Like Training Bras for Barely-Barefooters...

Streakers

...or like training wheels, if that's how you roll. I have a feeling that there are a lot of barefooting-wanna-be's out there who really want to be honest-to-goodness, go-everywhere-totally-barefoot barefooters, but they just need a little help until their confidence grows enough to venture outside and take their bare "dogs" for a jog without getting freaked out that someone will confront them. Streakers can be that helping hand for those nervous feet. It is like when you are learning to ride a bike for the first time with the training wheels attached, or trying on your first supportive undergarment. Slip on a pair of Streakers, like training bras for your feet. Wear them until you achieve that level of confidence to boldly go everywhere with your feet wearing nothing but what they had on the first time you wore your birthday suit.  

Barely-barefooters certainly don't want to strike out on their first barefooting adventure and get ambushed by a pair of athletic shoes stuffed with a fluffy doofus. These folks have been heard asking barefooters they encounter, "Did you know your feet are bare?" or, "Did you forget to put your shoes on today?" as they toddle past you. Then they will make a stunning declaration in a voice loud enough to knock squirrels out of trees, "Hey everybody look, his feet are bare. He must have forgotten to put his shoes on today." At this point in your fledgling existence as a barefooter, you don't have the confidence to come back with, "Hey, did you forget to put your ass-hat on today?" Instead, you run home so embarrassed by the encounter that you consider having your feet surgically removed. Streakers can save you from unnecessary surgery.

Naive, new barefooters might also have an encounter on the streets with seriously-snide runners and their seriously-expensive, high-tech running shoes. They wear several pairs of those shoes on their feet at the same time just to show everybody how seriously committed they are to running. Seriously? No, they really don't do that, but as they blow past you and your lowly little naked piggies, they will drop their snide-bombs on you about how you can't walk, much less run, without expensive high-tech shoes strapped to your feet. And, since you are outside walking or running in your bare feet, you must be a hobo who is "barely" running one step ahead of the law. As they are disappearing into the sunset they will yell back at you with words of advice telling you that it is dangerous to run, or even walk unshod, so knock it off. Then you watch them snag the ground with the thick rubber heel of one of their high-tech running shoes, twist their ankle and fall down adding a second crack to their backside. This kind of accident doesn't happen while running barefoot, or in Streakers, because neither bare feet or Streakers have thick rubber heels to trip you up, only your sleek bare soles to make you fleet of foot. Barefoot runners only have one crack on their backside. 

These kinds of encounters can be a major setback to those barely-barefooters trying to build their confidence to go forth with naked feet into the wild streets of their neighborhood, or even more daring, into public places like grocery stores and shopping malls. You must go out into the wild prepared, and wearing a pair of Streakers will help you survive the ignorant shoe-wearers of the world. 

I have been running sprints for over two years now wearing my not-expensive-at-all, high-tech bare soles. Yes, I sprint in my bare feet, and all of the leg, knee, and foot problems that I used to suffer from when I ran wearing expensive, high-tech running shoes, disappeared like those two-crack-backside-seriously-snide runners left behind in my dust. 

 So put on your Streakers and go kick some fluffy-ass on the mean-streets before I run out of hyphenated words to use!